⚓ Anchor the Deal

Chapter 1: Anchor the Deal

Introduction: Be the First to Lead

In every negotiation—especially in divorce—someone is going to set the tone. If you don't take the lead, the other party, their lawyer, or even the court system will. When they do, you'll spend the rest of the process reacting to their version of reality. That's why this method starts with one critical move: Anchor the Deal.

Anchoring the deal means you make the first offer, early and clearly, so every conversation going forward is rooted in your framing. This is the first and most important step in the Sedlment™ approach. You don't need to have all the answers, but you need to show up with the first offer—backed by the best information you have—and let the other side respond.

The Pen Analogy: Why First Numbers Stick

Imagine I offer to sell you my pen. If I don’t tell you what it’s worth, you’ll probably assume it costs $2 or $3. But this is no ordinary pen. It has hidden features—custom ink, handmade casing, and never leaks.

If I then tell you it’s worth $100, I have to justify the value to someone who already mentally anchored it at $3. That becomes an uphill battle. But if I had started by stating:

“This pen is $100. Here’s why…”

...then we negotiate down from that number. You might counter with $75, but we’re no longer anywhere near $3.

That’s the psychological power of anchoring—and it applies directly to divorce settlement strategy.

In Divorce, Delay is a Tactic

When a business or complex asset is involved, the other party often has more control or knowledge. They may claim:

• The business is worthless

• It's just "consulting" income

• "We don't need a valuation"

They may delay financial disclosures. They may withhold bank statements. They may say, "Let the attorneys figure it out."

That delay creates leverage for them.

If you want to regain control, you anchor the deal: You make the first offer—even if it’s imperfect—so the other side is forced to respond to you, instead of you constantly reacting to them.

Common Excuses People Use to Avoid Making an Offer:

• “I don’t have all the documentation.”

• “There might be missing assets.”

• “What if I guess wrong?”

But here’s the truth: You can make an offer based on what you know, and request what you don’t.

That alone shifts the dynamic.

What Goes Into the First Offer

A strong initial offer includes:

• A summary of all known assets and debts

• Estimates or statements supporting those values

• A clear list of which party keeps what

• Assumptions and requests for missing documents

• A brief written summary of the marriage (to provide context)

Even if you’re responding to a bad offer, your counteroffer should be structured and supported. You can still anchor the discussion to a new, more reasonable starting point.

Example: The House Value Dispute

Let’s say you think the house is worth $400,000. Your spouse claims it’s worth $200,000.

If you make the first offer using $400,000 as the value (with supporting evidence), you’ve anchored the number. Now the mediator or court sees your rationale and expects your spouse to justify their lower figure. They are reacting to you.

If you let them go first? You’ll be stuck trying to move the number up—a much harder job.

Include Evidence

• Include your most recent account statements

• Add appraisals, Zillow screenshots, or public value estimates

• List what you don’t know (and request it)

Your offer might say:

“This proposal is based on available information. I have requested the following documents in order to finalize the offer...”

That’s smart. It’s proactive. It’s persuasive.

Create a Property Statement

This is your key spreadsheet. It lists all:

• Assets (house, retirement, cars, business, bank accounts)

• Debts (mortgage, loans, credit cards)

• Who currently owns it

• What the value is

• Who should keep it

You don’t need to split everything 50/50 line by line. You’re aiming for each party to walk away with roughly equal net value. One person might keep the house; the other might keep retirement and cash. That’s fine.

Complex Assets? Make Strategic Assumptions

You might not have full business records, stock options, or separate property tracing. Still, you can create an offer:

• Using tax returns to estimate business income

• Using prior statements to highlight missing assets

• Assuming an equitable value of known assets until they’re proven otherwise

Let the other party disprove your offer if they disagree. Often, a detailed offer will flush out hidden information.

Toxic or Delaying Spouse? Anchor Anyway.

If your spouse is avoiding, manipulating, or sending threatening messages, mediation gives you a space to shift the dynamic. Anchoring the deal:

• Signals to the mediator that you are serious

• Creates pressure for the other side to respond

• Surfaces resistance and shows who is negotiating in good faith

Key Tip: Add a Summary of the Marriage

Write a one- or two-page neutral history. List:

• Date of marriage and separation

• Names and ages of children

• Major financial decisions or concerns (e.g., business started in 2017)

• Any key financial events (e.g., infidelity, missing money, inheritance issues)

This document helps attorneys, mediators, and experts quickly understand the case without retelling the story each time.

In Summary:

• Anchoring the deal means you speak first

• Make the offer, even if it’s based on partial information

• Use facts, summaries, and supporting documents

• Your first offer sets the tone, even if it evolves later

"If you control the first number, you shape the conversation. And in divorce, shaping the conversation is everything."