Frequently Asked Questions

Frequently Asked Questions

What is mediation?

  • Divorce mediation is when you as the couple will come together with a third party neutral. So what does that mean? Well, typically the mediator is going to be either a financial professional, an attorney, a judge, maybe a mental health professional, but basically it's somebody that understands the process of divorce, understands what couples have gone through and understands some of the financial aspects, including parenting or maintenance or child support, and can help guide the couple in deciding what is the best way for them to get divorced.

    So what mediation is, is the couple bringing all of the issues to the mediator and the mediator is acting as a referee or a communications specialist, if you will, and helping the parties talk about the issues in a very respectful way. A lot of times in divorces, communication issues are a big problem. Maybe it's very difficult to have a conversation with your spouse. Sometimes we have one spouse that is a little bit more controlling and the other spouse is a little bit more passive. And so what happens in mediation is everybody becomes aware of the information, the underlying financial situation, maybe even, you know, the child custody situation and the mediator will offer ideas or really help you the couple come up with ideas that could fit in your situation. So there's really no right or wrong way to go about mediation. It's finding somebody who has a good fit with the couple and understands the divorce arena in your state. So everything regarding divorce is typically state specific, so finding a mediator that understands what's happening in your state is very imperative.

How is our process different than mediation? 

  • How is our process different than mediation? At ValuationMediation.com what we're really looking at is more complex financial matters. And so what we do a little different; the mediator here is going to be a financial expert, a financial professional that understands how to look at tax returns, how to look at financial statements, bank statements retirement accounts, and understand maintenance or alimony and child support issues in your specific state. But also we look at it a little different in that we're sitting in the middle, but providing you some basis of understanding if there is a valuation or a business involved in the particular divorce. Our process uses a mediator in the middle that is a financial expert and then we encourage the couple to each get their own attorney and an advocate for them in the process. But for the most part we just have a little bit of different skills in looking at the mediation basically from a financial standpoint.

What is a financial neutral?

  • A financial neutral is a term that's used in collaborative divorce or some people may start calling it cooperative divorce. That's a very specific process that's kind of based on mediation, but it involves a little bit more. So a financial neutral is typically going to sit in the middle and offer the couple or both spouses information about the financials. So let's say, for example, there's a pension and we're not exactly sure what the payment's going to be for the pension or if there's a present value, a current value for the pension. So the financial neutral is going to run the analysis and look at different options or analyses and offer it back up to the couple. The mediator might ask: “What would happen if maybe you split the pension? What would happen if you one person kept the pension and the other one didn't?” The same will affect for evaluation or any sort of stock options or complex financial situation within the divorce. The financial neutral is really working for both parties, what that means is we're really an advocate for the truth and the information and making sure that everybody has equal footing in understanding what the financial reality is.

    A lot of times it's not for us to be on one side or the other, we're just trying to be an advocate for the information and making sure that everybody understands what information is included and if there are any financial nuances in your state.

    One issue is separate and marital property. So sometimes a person could have come into the relationship with an inheritance or some sort of gift during the marriage or an inheritance that came in the middle of the marriage. The financial neutral would talk to the couple about the differences between separate and marital assets. How do we trace those marital assets? How do we determine what is separate? The mediator is giving both sides of the picture, and they are uncovering all of the issues that maybe nobody really knows existed.

    But in our opinion, if you bring all of the information to light for both parties to look at, it gives everybody the opportunity and the capability to make the best decision for themselves and for the couple and for the family unit going forward.

How is a financial neutral different that an attorney mediator?

  • How is a financial neutral different than an attorney mediator? A lot of times we are seeing mediators as attorneys or former former judges. This is because they understand what's happening in divorce litigation, they understand what happening in court basically. So what we are also seeing is that another piece of the divorce process is understanding the financial picture. A lot of times the attorneys and judges will absolutely know the legal issues but may not always be aware of all the financial issues. So when you're working with a mediator that has a financial background, we’re giving you all the different perspectives about the financial situation. And a lot of times if there is a business involved or if somebody is an entrepreneur and they have multiple businesses that they invest in, there's some unknown about what they're worth and there's some unknown around the cash flow to those businesses or to the couple or to the individuals. So a financial neutral is going to be a little bit different and they're going to understand those nuances a lot more. Their goal is to communicate and explain to both people all of the nuances of those issues. Now what does this do? It protects both parties. And how does that do that? Well, I'm basically coming in and saying, you know, I know this issue: “you received an inheritance in the middle of the marriage and there's some portion of it that's separate, but you don't have any good information to really say that it was separate.” So what I'm doing is I'm just explaining like here's the good and the bad of the situation. So what would the court do or what would you have the capability of doing outside of the court? Sometimes this is better determined and discussed with a financial person and then bring in the attorneys to understand the legal concepts.

What is the first step to work with a mediator?

  • What's the first step to work with a mediator? First, I think look around in your area and see if there are any recommended mediators. A lot of times there are a handful of people that have been doing this work consistently over time and have a good idea of how to facilitate a settlement or negotiation. One thing to understand about mediation is that you're not bound by it. What does that mean? That means when you start working with somebody, you and your spouse are just agreeing to discuss these situations, right? You're not agreeing that you will stick to any one position or that this is you know, set in stone. If you're going to work with a mediator, understand what their background is. Do you have a complex financial situation? Do you have multiple businesses? That might be a great situation for a financial neutral or a financial expert to get involved as a mediator.

    You might be able to work with any mediator that understands the process and the legalities in your state. But typically asking some attorneys, there's a tremendous amount of attorneys and financial pro professionals who are moving into mediation for various reasons. Mostly because you have more control over it as the spouses. But also because there are things that we can do outside of court that the court won't allow. For example, in the state of Missouri, if you are going to be paying alimony or maintenance, which is what we also call it if you go to court, the court is going to issue that alimony forever. If you settle it outside of court, then you could determine that you will pay alimony for five years or some alternate date. But that cannot be determined currently in the state of Missouri. That would be a benefit to working with a mediator. The mediator could also tell you some other benefits specifically in your state.

    Do they explain the financial things well? Do they explain the legal aspects? Well, you know, does it make sense? You also need somebody that's going to protect both of you. You really want somebody that's going to be neutral in the middle, understand and see both of your positions and both of your sides, but also to give you very salient information that will help you guys settle your situation.

How much does mediation cost?

  • How much does mediation cost? It really depends again on the mediators. Some mediators could cost as low as $150. Other mediators could be as high as $350 to $450. It really depends on, again, the complexity of your case. If you have a very simple case, you might be able to find a mediator that will do it for a fixed fee. Maybe you could get the entire thing done for $1,000 to $5,000. The more complex the situation, the longer it could take, and the more expensive it could cost. A lot of this is billed by the hour; so a larger mediation could cost more. Typically, if you go to litigation and you have a complex financial matter, you could end up paying fees for your attorneys and experts in excess of $100,000- even a small divorce, you might end up paying $25,000. Going to litigation is a very expensive endeavor in mediation, it might cost significantly less, but those are conversations to have with your mediator up front. They are either going to charge you by the hour or they're gonna charge you a fixed fee for a group of hours and you go in stages. A lot of times we get people started with 10 hours and we say “Okay, we're going do some work and we're going to meet with you and let's see where we are at 10 hours and then let's stop and see what we need to do from there.”

    You’re going to find a mediator that's right for you and that’s within the right price range, but you may need to talk to other people or get referrals and interview them and ask them what they have done and what kind of experience they have. Everybody is different. Most of the time a mediator only has to complete 40 hours of training and then they develop their own skills and process. My advice is to ask them up front what the costs are going to be. If they can't give you a good range, maybe they haven't done it for very long or they just don't know what to expect. If that makes you uncomfortable, have that conversation upfront before you hire somebody.

How long does mediation take?

  • How long does mediation take? That's the golden question. I will tell you that depending upon how difficult your case is, how complex is the financial situation, and how complex your assets are will determine the time. Sometimes there are houses and cars, but there's not a lot of cash flow, so the mediation is going take as long as it needs to take and that unfortunately is not the answer that everybody wants. But the reality is how do you communicate? Do you have difficulties communicating? Are there difficulties in understanding the financial picture? Is somebody mistrusted? Is there somebody that did something that caused mistrust in that relationship? All of those factors come into play. Most of the time when we see a mediation take less time, it's because both sides have have been very open with disclosing and sharing the information. They’re giving all the documents, everybody is putting all the cards on the table, and just talking through like what makes sense.

    A mediation could take 8 hours, 2 hours, it could take multiple months, multiple days. Typically when we're getting involved in valuations, the valuation alone is going take four to eight weeks in order to just get a number. Then we start negotiating all the assets based on knowing all the numbers. So a mediation is going to take as long as necessary. Another thing to keep in mind is that there may be one person that's very gung-ho and ready to go and there may be another person that's not quite there yet. So having the process take place over time, maybe over a one to three month period, maybe six months, very difficult cases could take a year, but traditionally, probably somewhere in the three to six month range is very reasonable for you to get through all the documents to upload and update the situation.

    Then to get to a process of hiring attorneys and going forth in order to file it into the court system. A lot of times, even to file something in the court system, you might have a 30+ day waiting period. This is considered a “cooling off” period that you have to wait until you can do anything in the case. We walk you through that process and sometimes you can negotiate some things on your own. Anything that you can facilitate outside of the mediation is obviously going to help the process as well.