⚓ Anchor the Deal: Why You Should Make the First Divorce Settlement Offer ⚓
Why is making the first divorce settlement offer so important?
In divorce negotiations, the first person to make an offer holds strategic power. This is called “anchoring the deal”—and it allows you to set the tone, the numbers, and the framework for what comes next.
Even if you don’t have all the documents or a full financial picture, you can make a reasonable offer based on current knowledge, supported by assumptions, preliminary valuations, or requests for missing data.
Making the first offer positions you as the decision-maker, not just the responder.
What is anchoring in divorce settlement negotiations?
Anchoring is a negotiation tactic where you introduce the first number—whether it’s a property value, a proposed division of assets, or a support amount. People tend to negotiate from the first number they hear, making it harder for them to drastically shift the conversation.
For example, if you believe your marital home is worth $400,000 and your spouse says it’s worth $200,000, the first person to make a clear, documented offer backed by evidence will likely gain ground in mediation.
What if I don’t have all the financial documents yet?
You can still make an offer. Here’s how:
Include assumptions where information is missing.
Attach backup documentation for what you do have—like bank or retirement account statements.
List requests for missing items and note any red flags (like potential marital waste or undisclosed assets).
Your offer can say: “This is based on current available data. Here’s what I still need.” That’s anchoring the deal while staying realistic and transparent.
What does a strong settlement offer include?
A well-prepared offer should include:
✅ A property statement: Listing assets, debts, and proposed division.
✅ An income and expense statement: Especially if requesting child support or alimony.
✅ Supporting documents: Screenshots or PDFs of bank balances, mortgage statements, etc.
✅ A narrative summary: Outlining key facts, marriage history, major issues, and your proposed plan.
✅ Assumptions: For any unknown values or missing documents.
This is the same method professionals use to prepare for mediation and court—now you can do it, too.
What if my spouse already made an offer?
You can and should still respond with a counteroffer that:
Corrects misinformation
Re-anchors the financial picture
Highlights missing documentation or questionable assumptions
Your counteroffer should be clean, documented, and logical. Even if their offer was emotional or unfair, your response will help shift the tone back toward reality.
What if I’m dealing with a narcissistic or toxic ex?
You may be facing delay tactics, withheld documents, or intimidation. Making a formal offer—backed by reason and documentation—can expose unreasonable behavior in mediation or court.
You can also introduce mediation earlier by showing you’re ready to negotiate. Courts (and judges) appreciate proactive, reasonable offers made in good faith.
Can I create a settlement offer before hiring an attorney?
Yes—and in fact, it’s often better to start preparing your offer before your legal team gets involved. That way:
You stay organized and informed
Your attorney has a roadmap when they join
You save money by avoiding unnecessary back-and-forth
What if there are stock options, pensions, or business ownership?
These complex assets require financial interpretation. But even without a full report, you can:
Request a preliminary valuation
Estimate a value range based on past conversations or documentation - find some evidence
Assume values in your offer (with a note that you welcome updated information)
This shows initiative—and pushes the other side to prove their claim if they disagree.
What is marital waste or missing money?
Marital waste refers to spending during the marriage on non-marital items—like vacations, gifts to a third party, or gambling. If money has disappeared:
Provide two statements: before and after
Ask: “Can you explain where the money went?”
Let your team determine whether it’s worth pursuing
Even if you don’t recover it all, it adds leverage in settlement talks.
What’s the first step to anchoring the deal?
Start with a summary of your marriage and concerns. This can include:
Marriage dates, children, property owned
Major events like infidelity or financial control
Key concerns like custody, the house, or support
Then move toward organizing your financial documents. Even 3–5 bank statements or a home appraisal can help you put together a realistic and powerful first offer.
Download the Anchor the Deal™ Guide
You don’t have to wait for an attorney or hope your spouse “does the right thing.”
You can take the lead.
🧩 Download our Anchor the Deal guide to get:
Templates for property division and support statements
A checklist of what to include in your offer
Real scripts and examples for mediation
Strategic insights for complex or high-conflict situations
About the Author:
Melissa Gragg is a financial mediator and business valuation expert with 20+ years of experience helping people navigate divorce with confidence, strategy, and calm. She leads The Divorce Allies and runs ValuationMediation.com to provide trauma-informed financial prep and mediation consulting, based in St. Louis, servicing Missouri, Illinois, Kansas, California, Nevada, and beyond.
